Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
