Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
