He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
