who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
