Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
