At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
