Already got asked if we're dating
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
