Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
