we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
