there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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