Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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