Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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