so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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