bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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