why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
