Moan for me like Helen Keller
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
