I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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