I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
