Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
