i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
