I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
