Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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