After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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