I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
