btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
