i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
