Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
