I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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