What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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