You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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