You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
