wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude i'm inner monologue high
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
