You're so nebulous sometimes
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
