he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
