Welp...herpes.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
