im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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