either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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