We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
