go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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