I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
