Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Barsexuality is the new black.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
