It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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