return my video game
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
