yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
