He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
