I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I checked into jail on foursquare
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
