Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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