Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
