apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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