Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
