Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
