farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
