I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
