In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
