I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
