don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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