He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
